beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
