i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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