I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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