i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
