I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
