I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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