Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
