I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
