She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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