You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
