Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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