Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
