Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
