its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
