i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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