just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
