I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
