It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
