I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
