I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
