i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
being pregnant is like rehab
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
