I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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