My liver just broke up with me...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
