I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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