i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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