you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
