i just made my gag reflex go away.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
