Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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