It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
