Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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