Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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