i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
