Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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