dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just found a bag of teeth...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
why is half of my head shaved?
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