and you said cock pushups were impossible
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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