i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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