I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
