Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
