Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
