she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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