omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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