I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
