hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
