Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
