Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
he just fucked me for my cheese.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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