help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Everything about him screamed your future.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
