stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
