So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
