Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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