nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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