My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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