I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
