Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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