It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
