we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
