if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
