did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize