Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
ok first of all what the fuck
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
