i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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