and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
