finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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