Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
