Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
