i permit you to call me
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
