i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Girls should come with a carfax report
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
