oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
