Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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