I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
