idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
