textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
