If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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