how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
