i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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