oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
