Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
