I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Watching her eat just hurts me
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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