You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize