some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
