Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
